Susan Livengood

I still haven’t heard about my tests.  Kim is waiting to hear about tests on Kira, and Bobbi talks to her oncologist on Wed.  In the book “Dune” the Bene Gesseritt live by a code, part of which says, I think, “Fear is a Mind Killer.  I guess I should get the book and look it up.  Read it again, too.

If one won’t do the job, maybe five will!  I don’t know if it’s working or not, I’m still waiting to hear what’s next.  They saw something on the MRI and nothing on the ultrasound.  Waiting sucks, but painting makes it bearable.

I hate being in the medical system.  Not that I want to try it, but I wonder if it’s like being in the legal system?  The med system didn’t find anything like a lump on the ultrasound, just a ruptured milk duct.  Those rotten kids broke me!

The rainhat is a talisman to ward off bad stuff, the least of which is unwanted rain.  My mother died of breast cancer at age 72.  When did it start?  No one looked when she was in her 50’s.  Cancer is a disease, not a lack of character.

The MRI showed something.  Next step ultrasound.  Donna & Gregg went to see the changes they’ve done to the property formerly known as WindDancers.  I couldn’t stand to see it.  They dismantled the Llama Lodge.  I had written my birthdate in the concrete of the foundation.  We put so much work into that project.   I don’t know why it bothers me, we are but vapors.

The MRI showed a lump.  Next step is an ultrasound.

We got away for a few days.  I saw some paintings or photos, I’m not sure which at the frame shop in Seabrook.  At first I thought they were just ocean scenes, but soon I found them hypnotic.  The artist is John Duckworth. 

A rain hat is a talisman in our family.  We used to lead llama treks.  You would wear a rain hat to insure that it would not rain.  It’s like a rabbit’s foot you carry to ward off bad luck.  And if worse came to worse and it did rain, at least your head stayed dry.    The second painting is of the same image as the blue barns.  I don’t know why it’s so fuzzy, except that it is small, 8″x10″ and the Rain hat is 30″x22″.

Unfortunately I think a lot of my creativity comes from stress.  I’m old enough to not want the high highs and low lows.  Maybe that’s one reason that some young’uns seem creative, their willing to ride the manic wave.