Painting as I see it.
I have a chronic immune disorder. No one sees me when I’m really ill, so they assume I’m making it up, to escape responsibility. Today was the first time in a year that I didn’t have an injection. Due to holidays, we put it off until Monday. Then back to a weekly regimen of blood test and injection. This painting chronicles some of my frustration with the phrase “if you just…” It’s been six and a half years. Don’t you think I’ve tried it, maybe twice?
The title may be a bit much, but I couldn’t think of another word. I hope this painting expresses my confusion and frustration.
I realized that I am painting from words now. I used to use photos. 
I am not in favor of adding cruelty to hardship, like the present administration. A plan would be nice. This woman and many like her are fleeing horrible conditions, whether political or environmental.
Well wishers have lots of advice about my chronic illness. “If You Just…” Duh! Don’t you think I’ve tried all of those things? Chronic may mean that it never goes away. So I deal with my fears and frustrations in this painting.
We redid the floor in our bathroom. The garden tub was never used, so I’m making it into a Jungle Folly. Lots of LED lights. If this winter is as dark and wet as summer and spring, we’re going to need a little jungle time.
I do not think about it, but since I paint on an easel, my work is affected by gravity, drips and washes that roll downhill. It’s a painting with a force not usually paid attention to. Even after the whiplash nonsense going on in the world, the gravity will still be tugging along.
There are so many forces working on or against us. I started this painting on the ground, to defy the force of gravity. But my knees didn’t like the bending and leaning. So it’s back on the easel. This is an early stage.
The flags have been at half staff for most of this year. It’s an unusual day to see them waving proudly.
Buzzards.
